why

why is it that i feel like im just counting my days here on earth? why i feel like its not gonna last long for me? why cant i see any progress in my condition? why cant i look at the bright side? why me?

i hate every thing that is happening to me. still love my life, im too young for all of this. i love my family, i love the people around me, i love JT so much that id rather die than to have her suffer the things im having. i hate the pain. i hate the disease and the sickness. i envy the people around me who are planning their wedding, the old folks who lived for years together. i want to experience all of that. i hate the sleepless nights.

if all of this is just psychological, may it all vanish in front of me. i love JT's family like they're my own family. i hate every negative things that are happening to me.

i want to live longer, to have a family, to be with JT.

LORD please heed my plea...