why

why is it that i feel like im just counting my days here on earth? why i feel like its not gonna last long for me? why cant i see any progress in my condition? why cant i look at the bright side? why me?

i hate every thing that is happening to me. still love my life, im too young for all of this. i love my family, i love the people around me, i love JT so much that id rather die than to have her suffer the things im having. i hate the pain. i hate the disease and the sickness. i envy the people around me who are planning their wedding, the old folks who lived for years together. i want to experience all of that. i hate the sleepless nights.

if all of this is just psychological, may it all vanish in front of me. i love JT's family like they're my own family. i hate every negative things that are happening to me.

i want to live longer, to have a family, to be with JT.

LORD please heed my plea...

Lord please help

Lord, please give strength to withstand all the trials in my life. Strengthen me physically and emotionally. Be with me always especially now that Im fighting to have a healthy body. Heal all that is not good in me. Cleanse my body and my soul from all sickness, disease and curses that have come into me.

Please help me believe things that are true and help me forsake things which are not. Give me patience which I need most during times of despair and loniless. Also, give patience to all my friends and love ones which listens to my unending complaints about life. My they understand me in downest moments and my they give me all the support I need. Help me also to help myself, for everything starts with me.

Lord, strengthen also my faith and trust in you. For only you can help me reach peace and serenity. Let me feel you loving embrace again....

i hate myself

im still having pains, i was given medications. i want to think positive, i hate myself for entertaining negative thoughts. i hate that i cant think that im going to be well. Lord help me, help me strengthen my faith in you. Help me build up the hope that is remaining in me. I know that you alone Lord can heal me completely. please let me feel your loving embrace. Help me lord to lengthen my patience. help me fix my life and dedicate it to you.